Empowerment Part 10 Empowerment and Self Esteem

He got me. I was hooked.

Many years ago my wife and I were shopping for a private school for my son who has Asperger’s syndrome. This was before anyone had ever heard of how Autism was increasing let alone any school system addressing those concerns for this growing population of students. The headmaster who was from South Africa said, “we hire teachers who have healthy self-esteems so they don’t have to build their self-esteem off of the students.” Wow. What an unspoken but very real phenomenon. Some need the esteem building relationship of students to help them feel good about themselves while others already are confident and self assured and are thus free to simply teach and serve the need of the students. So whose needs are being met? In the former, the teacher’s needs, in the latter, the students. Which kind of teacher would you want for your child? No question about it. We want someone who is so selfless that they get lost in serving the needs of the students. He got me. I was hooked. We went with that school.

In your ministry, whose needs are being met? Are you serving the people and their growth and maturity in faith and leadership or are you serving yourself? Not so fast. Think about it for a minute. In what way and to what degree may you be working for the affirmation of others? Do you crave the spotlight of people’s attention and adulation? How much? How often do you get upset with the quality of outcomes because you are afraid of how it will reflect upon you? How easily do you forget about the quality of other’s growth, the quality of the ministry toward others, and the resulting praise of God (see Matt 5:16 and others)! How self-aware are you as you go about your life and ministry? How you answer those questions will say volumes about your capacity for empowering others.

As Christians we have the unconditional love of God in Jesus Christ. We know the verse by heart: “For God so love the world (you!)…that He gave His only Son…” John 3:16. Now if the God of the universe says He loves you intimately, completely and unconditionally, then why do you still feel (in ways small and large) that you need to justify yourself through your works, through the outcomes and productivity you create and use that to make yourself feel worthwhile? Or put another way, since God’s love is so complete for you, is there any reason left to so desire the praise of other people that you hoard those opportunities for ministry? Is there any reason you should keep that for yourself and not work to “give away the ministry” (empowerment) for the edification and growth of others and the benefit of the kingdom? Who do we think we are or what do we think we need that we resist empowering others? Taken to the extreme, have we ever been guilty of taking undue credit that was really done through a group or even a single person? We've seen others do it. Are we guilty? What's all this about?

It may be some scar from our past. It may be some quirk in our personality, some dark corner that needs the light of Christ to shine upon it. But that doesn’t mean we should put up with it and allow it to continue. Chances are there aren't a lot of people standing in line to set you straight. So we have to learn to be brutally honest with ourselves and rediscover the beauty and sweetness of the Gospel in our own lives.

A great little book to
think about the value of
Christ Esteem

In this way, empowerment is not based upon self-esteem as my headmaster friend spoke about. It really has everything to do with “Christ-esteem” or finding your value in Christ and His love for you. In this way you don’t have to build your esteem off of your ministry, your people or anything else.

Coaching Questions:

• What makes you feel valued? God’s love in Christ or something else? To what degree do those other things “hook” you?
• What unconsciously directs your choices and motivations? Your need for the approval of others? Your love of others and wanting to see them grow and develop? Other? See Galatians 1:10.
• What ministry can you “give away” to the joy and surprises of those whom God has potentially gifted for that ministry?
• What will you do and when will you do it?

Empowerment Part 9 Real Life Empowerment Dialogue

 What do you do when someone comes to you with a question?

What is your immediate instinct? To answer the question of course!

Why? Many reasons I suppose. First you may know the answer. Second you don’t want to be disturbed and so with a quick reply you can be rid of them. Third, you may feel like you are supposed to have the answer, what with all the seminary training and all. Fourth, you may want that “stroke” of having given a good answer and the satisfaction of how someone came to you (instead of someone else). Fifth, you may answer because you want them to do it “your way” and not get sidetracked with their “hair-brained solution” or someone else’s idea. (After all you’ve got all the right answers, right?)

But did you ever look at these simple interactions as something much more than a mere question and an answer?

That’s right. On its face, it seems like just a simple question and an answer that are needed. But people often have other things in mind when they interrupt us and ask a question. Perhaps they have something else in mind and the question is a mere icebreaker to the more important issue. This will require your sensitivity and perhaps your managing your time well so as to discern the real agenda and suggest an appropriate time if that is not it. You may want to ask, "is there anything else?" as an invitation to go deeper.

The most common situation though is that they are honestly stuck and need some help. What then? What is the best way to help them? Fire out the answer for all the reasons listed above? (We must admit that few are “good, right and salutary"!) What other options do you have?

How about answering a question with a question? If they are stuck then wouldn’t the best way to help them be through facilitating their thinking through the answer? After all, if you merely answer it for them, what will they do the next time they have a question? They’ll come to you! Won’t that feel good? Perhaps initially but doesn’t it create a dependence? Of course it does! And let's be honest and admit that the reasons above are not good reasons to simply answer the question.

How about some of these replies:

• What were you thinking would be a good solution?
• What would you do?
• What else? What other options are there?
• Who else could help you?
• What steps would it require?
• How does that align with our Mission and Vision and Values?

Now don't those questions affirm the questioner? They may feel a bit put upon at first but along the way they will come to the conclusion that you believe in them, you are confident they have good ideas and they will probably get even more excited about new ideas and possibilities. That sounds like empowerment to me!

In real life dialogue for empowerment, the answer is often the question!

Now, how can you live into asking questions when people come to you for answers?

• Are you aware of what might get in the way of you answering with a question?
• What’s up with that? What do you get when you take someone’s responsibility from them?
• How will you be different going forward?
• What questions will you have at the ready for a thoughtful reply?
• How will you catch yourself so as to live into this new approach?
• How else will you affirm people when they think things through creatively?

Empowerment Part 8 Saying "No"

What will happen if you say "No"?

Ask yourself: What will happen if I don’t do it?

Yeah, people might get upset. Yeah, you might be targeted as failing to do your job. Yeah, it might be uncomfortable and it might even bother me. Sure I might feel like I’m not exhibiting a servant heart. Yeah, nobody else is doing it at the present time. But really, did you go through seminary, receive a call (with specific things named as your primary ministry on it) and go to a church, often with a specific title and job description/ministry description, to always make the coffee, empty the garbage, clean the kitchen, and so on?

Sure it is part of the job at times. When I first talked to my pastor about going to seminary to become a pastor I hung around with him for a day. We talked a lot, did some calls together and at the end of the day he went around and checked the locks, closed the windows and said, “Don’t get too idealistic. Ministry is filled with a lot of unglamorous tasks like this.” I got his point. I am not above doing anything including washing the rest rooms, turning off the AC and locking doors because I am often the last one out. But that can be taken to an extreme and it can spill over to a number of other things as well to the end that we might end up being the “default doer” of almost everything.

I remember the first time a layperson handed me a job and I said “no”. Something on the sound system didn’t work and he pulled the offending component and told me to go find and buy a replacement and extended his arm to me with it. I said simply said “no” and didn’t take it from him. At the time I probably couldn’t articulate why but as time went by it came down to good stewardship. Am I a good steward of what has been entrusted to me when I accept these things handed to me that are not really within my training, interest or in a direct relationship to my call? Of course, there are exceptions. I normally did check the doors on Sunday afternoon when I left after leading worship. I normally did turn on some lights, padlocked the gate and so on. But really, if I accept everything put upon me, I am shielding others from feeling the need to be needed and seeing how they can be used by God.

Remember what was said in an earlier blog (Empowering Leaders Part I) about how people enter into leadership? “People enter leadership when they see a problem and say, ‘someone should do something about that and I’m that someone.’” If we have such fragile egos that we feel like we have to make sure everything is taken care of or someone will be upset with me then no one will see any problems and step up. Furthermore we will never be in a position to recruit or encourage the appropriately gifted person to become involved. They won’t see the need in spite of what we say. Status quo will become quite familiar. The sheep will think “normal” is having someone do everything while they sit in the pew and receive. And we’ll live in denial that I am a good servant hearted shepherd caring for the sheep because they have no problems. NO! You are a part of the problem!

So what will happen if you don’t do it?

No you don’t want to ignore the safety and security issues. Lock the doors, check the HVAC system. Turn off the appliances as necessary and perhaps there are other necessities that good sense identifies you as the person to do it.

But really, ask yourself:

• How am I getting in the way of their involvement by doing it for them?
• How am I blocking them from seeing a need that they can fulfill by God’s grace?
• What am I afraid of if I continue to think that I need to do it?
• And…at what point does this assignment appeal to the old Adam within you that is inherently lazy?

Now make that list:

• What will you strategically and intentionally choose to stop doing?
• How will you leverage that to recruit, train, encourage and enlist others?
• How will you deal with the pushback from those who don’t like you messing with their homeostasis?
• How will this affect how you pray? (Are you praying about this? Why not? Oh, well, that is for another blog…)

Empowerment Part 7 The Goal is Not the Goal

1 Corinthians 12:27-30 “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.  28 And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues.  29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?  30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?”

None of us as leaders have all the spiritual gifts necessary to do the work of the ministry alone or even with a few key people. The Lord has blessed people with various gifts of the Holy Spirit. If those gifts are not used and developed the body of Christ is crippled. Less people come to know Jesus.

Preliminary Conclusion: In our mission culture in America, most adults have not been discipled adequately through traditional methods. They do not understand the basics of Christianity let alone servanthood. Neither have been modeled very well. The body of Christ is severely crippled. When people are given baby steps into responsibilities that they see they can make a difference in it will be transformational for them.

Conclusion: We need to work to involve and invite people to witness and participate with those who also model maturity and what it means to be a disciple who serves.

Radical conclusion: if God is more interested in doing a work in us than through us - then all ministry activities and events become first an opportunity for people to be involved and grow in the use of their God given gifts and talents. The event will still occur and accomplish its regularly understood purpose.

Put another way: Ministry events are first and foremost vehicles and opportunities to involve and develop people and the ministry goal of the event will take care of itself (often in ways and degrees that we do not expect)

Put in a more radical way: Ministry events are dreamed up as an “excuse” to create positions of responsibilities and activities for the purpose of involving and developing people. Amazingly through this process goal of developing people first God will transform the people who are involved in the putting on of the event as well as those who are involved in the event itself.

Examples:

Sunday School – Stated Goal: educate Children in the Christian faith.

New primary goal: It is primarily a vehicle to educate and grow adults who will in turn influence children for Christ in Sunday school, home, community and beyond. As this new goal is pursued the stated goal in accomplished along the way.

Fellowship Event – Stated Goal: Develop community among people.

New Primary Goal: Involve as many people as possible in as many responsibilities as can be invented in order to give people ownership, involvement, and the opportunity to stretch and grow in new ways. Former stated goal is accomplished along the way. Yet when the new primary goal is pursued there is more participation and a greater likelihood of involvement in the future, good will, etc.

Other examples?

The Blessings: More of the body of Christ is mobilized for ministry. More rejoice in the wonder of being used by God to bless people. More are touched by the blessing of the ministry. More are discipled. There is a division of labor and less people are burnt out. There is more joy in ministry as people flourish in their God given abilities rather than struggle in ministries that are beyond their primary giftedness. More people come to Christ. More people are inspired to worship and receive the Word and Sacraments.

THOUGHTS AND ATTITUDES WHICH CHALLENGE US:

1. I can do it better, faster, myself.
2. They will make mistakes, forget, drop the ball, etc.
3. It takes too much work to invite, creatively involve, supervise others etc.
4.  If this event doesn’t go as well as I can do it myself then I will look bad (I want to get people’s strokes by doing a good job!)
5. But the real goal is the stated goal! Isn’t that taking your eye off the ball?

What do you lose with each of these? 

What do you really want?

Empowerment Part 6 Resolving the Incongruence

This may seem unrelated to empowerment but I believe it is fundamental to the whole subject.

Is it just me or is there an inherent incongruence or contradiction in church life? We talk about being "little Christ's" to our neighbor as Luther did and to live out our vocation whatever station in life. We agree with Luther on the "priesthood of all believers" and many other fine teachings of the reformation, including justification and the related teaching of John 3:16, the Missio Dei and the Great Commission. Yet in the church we find professional clergy who often default as the deliverers of spiritual goods and services and the members, many of whom are believing they are faithful in simply coming to worship and being on the receiving end of those spiritual goods and services. Overstating things? Perhaps. Yet even if we reject that characterization of the church as false, clergy and laity, in the living out of those roles week after week will have its cumulative effect on us. Over time, people will more and more be entrenched in sitting and receiving and clergy will more and more be compelled to lead worship, Bible classes and visit ever more faithfully as that is the apparent expectation of each.

Well then the question becomes for us: is it really Biblical? Is it what we say we believe, teach and confess? Probably not. Yet the "consumer spirituality" and the "professional clergy, provider" roles seem to reflect what we are living out. Unspoken expectations? Yes, perhaps. Contrary to what we "speak" or even "proclaim"? Yes, most likely. So we have a contradiction or seeming incongruence going on.

So what to do?
Three options seem to be available to us.
The first is to do nothing. Live with the tension between what we do and what we teach or say we teach.

The second is to make the adjustment in the doctrinal department. Diminish the role of the laity, subtly tell them they are not qualified to evangelize or do real ministry and at the same time elevate the clergy to a high status that honors them as the sole providers of the spiritual gifts contained in the Word and Sacraments. This would resolve the tension between what is taught historically and biblically and how we, in many cases behave, or live out our faith as church members. I would say that some are leaning into this solution for the incongruence even though it is in discontinuity with Luther and the Scriptures, even if they assert that the opposite is the case. Laity like it because it relieves them of the burden of living more fully into being a disciple of Jesus and clergy like it because it elevates their role and importance. It is comfortable on both counts.

The third way is to correct in the behavioral department. Elevate the role of the laity back to what is taught in the Bible. "A chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,  a people belonging to God" and so on (1 Peter 2:9ff. and Eph 4 etc). Re-empower them to serve in real ministry that serves people with the gospel according to their vocation, station and calling in life. Remind them that they are the salt of the earth that ought not lose its saltiness (Matt 5). Then as clergy preach, teach and live according to what the Bible says about the role of clergy, who do not do it all but "equip the saints for the work of diaconia/ministry" (Eph 4:12) and honor others as having valuable spiritual gifts for the sake of the kingdom of God and the mission of God (1 Cor 12; Rom 12 etc.). This is not the easy path but it is the correct option in my humble opinion. It requires repentance and new behaviors. For clergy it requires saying "no" to certain spoken or unspoken expectations that may feel like failure and may meet with resistance and passionate disapproval of many people. It will re-introduce to both clergy and laity the appropriate guilt of failing to live out our role as followers of Jesus or disciples. That is not fun. But it will resolve the tension between the incongruence of what the Bible teaches and what we expect of one another. And the result will also, by the grace of God working through the means of grace, even and especially through the laity, bring many more people to Jesus.

Coaching Questions:

• How are you and your church living out the Biblical patterns of church and discipleship (notice I did not say "membership"?)
• Where is the incongruence for you and your church? How can you address that incongruence?
• Where does there need to be repentance? Where does there need to be grace and forgiveness?
• What can you pray for? What can you praise God for? What is God's role in this?

Empowering Leaders Part 5

When we are born our parents tell us what to do.

When we go to school our teachers tell us what to do.

When we get a job our bosses tell us what to do.

When we enter a position of responsibility we think we need to tell people what to do.

How’s that working for you?

Probably not that great. When people get told what to do they react in a few different ways. Some jump in and do it. They are rare. Some resist and like a little child told to eat their vegetables they say “NO” in response to being told (Reminds one of Romans 7:8 as a reaction to the Law). Some will do it reluctantly but resent the being told part. Some do it happily knowing that if it fails or goes south they can blame you and say, “I was just doing what I was told.” Some do it happily but with a sense of ignorance and then the next time they come running to you because you have created a dependence upon you. Now doesn't that feel good? No. That feels dysfunctional.

Now why do you do that? Do what?

Why do you take responsibility away from others? Or put another way, why do you steal the power from them that rightly belongs to them anyway? Why do we relieve people of thinking and insist on doing it for them? Is it because we think we are so much smarter than they are? What's up with that?

Empowerment presumes you have the power to give it away to others. But as I was reminded recently non-empowerment is really stealing the power that belongs to them in the first place. Do you feel powerful when you “tell” people what to do? Do you use the excuse that it won’t get done right unless you do it or tell others what to do? Again, how’s that working for you? People who are told what to do often do it with half the passion and energy than if it was their idea or done on their initiative. 

If you want to develop people:

• Stop talking – start listening
• Stop telling – start asking - it gets them thinking
• Stop solving problems for people – start creating awareness within people- it will lead them to take responsibility and live into the appropriate action
• Stop making it happen – start facilitating their action

Coaching questions:

• What is getting in the way of you doing any of the above?
• What are you getting out of not doing it?
• What are you sacrificing?
• What will you do now?

We have all we need in Christ through our baptism. We don't need to build our esteem off of the task or accomplishment or "lording it over" others.

Test your assumptions for one week of new behaviors. Evaluate the results with a coach. Have the courage to make the adjustment toward new behaviors and new thinking. Rejoice in who you are already in Christ.

Empowering Leaders Part 4

A number of years ago I learned from then FLGA District Mission Executive, Jerry Seaman that there are three ingredients to expanding the number of people serving the Lord in meaningful ways. I don’t think we called it empowerment back then but it made a lot of sense and it shaped my thinking ever since. It was a simple formula but powerful if you actually put it into practice:

1.  Give people meaningful things to do.
2. Support and help them along the way.
3. Celebrate the results.

Sound too simplistic? Well it is simple, but not easy. Let’s look at them one by one.

1. Give people meaningful things to do. Meaningful to whom? To them! People are not satisfied with folding bulletins. They want to make a difference in people’s lives. Interview them (see above, part 3) and find out what that means to them. Then give them the opportunity and don’t get in the way. In fact, get out of the way! (Was that too strong?) But I’m not in the way! Are you sure? Check again. You are perfectly designed to get what you are getting. So if people are not engaged and growing, “Houston we have a problem.” Change begins with you.

2. Support and help them along the way. People are reluctant to step up because they don’t want to look foolish in front of their peers and/or they don’t want to fumble the ball when it comes to serving the Lord. They also know that often they feel like they have a target on their back in the church when they try to do something. Too often in the church our actions toward servant leaders feels like dumping it on them and sending the message – “sink or swim” it’s now on you. I wouldn’t step up in that environment either. So counter that by creating a culture of support and help. This is servant leadership at its core that constantly asks, “How is it going and how can I help?” While at the same time not taking the responsibility from them. Why? Because you believe in them! You believe that God has created them with great capacity to do great things! Keep in touch, call them, write an encouraging note, stop them at church, and be interested in their success for their sake – even when from your perspective it is a small thing. See what happens!

3. Celebrate the results. This is one area I would miss. I would often be looking down the road at the next thing but had to learn that celebration is crucial, even when things went bad. That’s where debriefing comes in. What worked, what didn’t, what did we learn, how can we improve next time? But celebration is crucial even when things go well. Stop and smell the roses! Rejoice at what God has done through even you and especially the laity! Thank them! Give God the praise. After all, God did it anyway, right?

Coaching Questions:

• Which of these steps do you already do?
• Where do you need to grow and be more intentional?
• How well do you “give away the ministry”?
• How can you put into use the three steps? Who, what, when, how? Name it.
• What’s stopping you? How will you overcome that barrier?
• Celebrate the results with God!